"Nothing says loser like 'I was kicked out of a cult.'" - Blind Date
Recently I have had an intermittent flurry of conversations with martial artists regarding instructors and instructor behavior. The conversation always comes down to a few points.
1. My instructor says I am not committed enough to X art
2. The instructors definition of commitment is, physically or mentally, unhealthy
3. My choice is to submit to the definition, or leave
4. I don't want to leave, and I don't care to by into the program as presented
The biggest issue is the sense of guilt that the person feels, the guilt that they have not worked hard enough, that they have lost something, that they have failed, plus a pile of other emotions.
Let's get this straight. It is your training, if you don't enjoy it, if it is causing you some form of consternation, you should stop.
The world is a tough place and it doesn't give a flying rip about how you feel. We all get kicked around every day; traffic, bills, work, difficult responsibilities, hard choices, sickness, and I am confident you can add more to the list.
So you are going to go take guff from your martial arts teacher? I don't mean challenging you to be better, but poorly constructed, lousy coach behavior. Yeah go pay for that with the money you earned, and further invest more of your time!? Pppppffft. I think not.
I suggest that if you are not having fun and learning you should leave.
You have a right to your life, and how you choose to spend that life. I am talking about the sanctity of the individual. So I am here to let you know that you are not necessary involved in a cult, but getting kicked out of a club, can make you feel like a loser. Well let's see what that illustrious philosopher and social scientist Marx had to say, of course I mean Groucho Marx; “I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”
These are of course extreme statements, but you get the idea, so here is the middle ground quote from one of my old instructors, “Karate is fun, when it stops being fun, you should stop.